But make no mistake, this time of year is about family and friends and giving, and that's easiest when you're grounded, safe, healthy, solvent.
It was a tradition with my Hamburg and Munich blogs to do a Thanksgiving post. The list of things I'm thankful for hasn't changed, but the focus has.
On Thursday I volunteered to feed the homeless at an annual event coordinated by the Lahaina Town Action Committee. With 250 volunteers in attendance, instead of working in the kitchen I was assigned to be a "host"--to accompany guests from the front gate to the dining hall of the local elementary school, get them drinks, sit and talk with them during their meal, and escort them back past local groups providing free toiletries, towels, etc.
Although the purpose of the event is to help those in need, it was open to any and all who wanted to come by. In my two hours of volunteering I had the privilege to spend time with three individuals:
- First there was D., whose wife was working one of the church tables and who himself works with the homeless. He confirmed for me many of the things I'd already seen/experienced for myself: the wide income disparity, severe housing shortage, and serious drug problem on Maui.
- Next was S., a 50-something painter from California who's lived on Maui for the past decade. Not homeless, he told me, but section 8. He was friendly and inquisitive and normal, like the awesome neighbor everybody wants to have but rarely gets. I saw him again a couple of hours later when we passed each other on our bikes as I was heading home.
- Finally, there was K., a 20-something surfer who had given up his travel photography gig to relax, was dating a "celebrity," (I didn't ask who because it sounded like she was an Instagram star and I figured I wouldn't know her anyway) and, upon finding out I was a writer, suggested I write about Maui and its issues. K. was genuine and earnest about not taking without giving and, frustrated he couldn't volunteer in the moment, vowed to come back at the end of the event to help clean up.
It was heartening to see so many kids as part of the volunteer crew, and that all of us, volunteers and guests alike, were diverse in age, gender, ethnicity, and circumstance.
Yesterday, however, I put my blinders back on and did Black Friday. In a small way. I arrived at the local outlet mall when it opened at 7 am, hit the stores on my list, and was out of there in an hour. No crowds, no fuss, no stress.
Most of the items were to finish Christmas gifts for family. But there were a couple of impulse items for me. For years my rule has been if I'm buying something and it's not a replacement, I have to give up something in exchange.
When I got home, excited about my new acquisitions, I thought about the packed dining hall the morning before. I thought about what it means to have and not have, and to be inconvenienced versus having to struggle.
To be clear, this was not some self-indulgent glass-tower musing. In the not-so-distant past, Larry was sick and unemployed and I was trapped in what had become a miserable job situation because he needed health care and my meager income was the thinnest of barriers between us and homelessness.
It was as if many of those abstract issues--those political talking points or things that happen to "other" people--were suddenly snowballing us. The medical bills began piling up: co-pays and uncovered costs for experimental pain management procedures. My income, as a creative and as a woman, was only 30% of what Larry made, which of course could not cover mortgage and utilities and food and that rising tide of new bills.
After two years we declared bankruptcy, with my income, Larry's return to limited consulting work, and our underwater mortgage as our only remaining assets. Even with the credit hit and the embarrassment of our "fall from grace," we still had it better than many. We still had a home.
A CareerBuilder survey found that more than 3/4 of Americans live paycheck to paycheck. And these aren't just minimum-wage workers. We have become a society of people with eyes bigger than our wallets.
I had simplified considerably when we moved to Germany, primarily because of space limitations and the cost of shipping so much STUFF. I made the same effort to simplify when we moved here, and I continue to pare down as I find things I no longer need.
Months ago I had set aside some of those things with the intention of selling them on eBay. Not for buying food or gas or cell phone time; just for some pocket money so I could continue indulging in occasional treats.
Yesterday, as I thought about our tough times and all of those people I saw on Thursday going through their own tough times, I put that stuff into bags to donate. Then I did another sweep of my closet and drawers for things that were on the border of wanting but would be better off serving someone's immediate needs instead of my "just-in-case" scenarios.
So, I am still grateful for the love and support of my family and friends. I'm grateful for my education and the incredible life experiences I've had so far. I'm grateful for my health, the roof over my head, and the means to do most of the things I want to do.
I am also grateful for the privilege of giving back to others. For the opportunity to listen to people leading very different lives, people who are a bit down but not out, and see them. Remember them. Think hard about the thin lines that separate us from each other.
And keep doing my part to contribute to the greater good.
